CAPTAIN AMERICA (2011) - USA! USA! USA!

I've never been a much of a comic book reader, but with all the superhero movie adaptations coming to the screen, I did ask myself why no one was bothering to bring Captain America to the big screen. Of course a week after, they announced the release date and casting for Captain America: The First Avenger. I was stoked to see the final result, and a few weeks ago managed to get my ass to the theater and enjoy the movie in all it's big screen glory. High hopes were had while entering the theater, and I'm glad to report the movie doesn't disappoint.
 

The recession affects all of us. Even the Captain.

The year is 1942. Nazi Germany's rampage through Europe has been hugely successful and most of Europe is under its total control. A Nazi officer by the name of Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving) finds an ancient mysterious object which promises ungodly amounts of energy, and begins to develop weapons based off it.

Back in America, Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is a scrawny dweeb, who suffers the indignity of being rejected by the Army multiple times while watching all his cool friends join up to fight Hitler. Dejected, he is approached by Dr. Erskine (Stanley Tucci), a brilliant scientists who offers him a chance to serve his country. Rogers accepts, and goes through selection training with Colonel Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell), a British spy sent to help the Americans. Rogers makes the final cut, and is transformed into a super soldier by Erskine's serum. Unfortunately for Rogers, the lab is attacked by Nazi agents right after his transformation, and he is left as a one of a kind freak show.

All that P90X finally paid off.

Unconvinced by Rogers' potential, the Army has Captain America go on tour to sell war bonds, which Rogers soon grows to hate, since he longs for the real action. While visiting troops in the European battlefield, he hears that his best friend's unit was captured, and he gets Peggy and Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper) to help him infiltrate a huge German base and manages to save the prisoners.

After his first reckless, improvised mission, Rogers finally manages to convince the Colonel that he can contribute to the war, gets his iconic shield, and suits up to kick ass. He and his new team of Howling Commandos are sent out to destroy Red Skull's secret weapons factories throughout occupied Europe. As they take the fight to the Nazis, they soon discover that Red Skull's plans go far beyond the scope of Hitler's Reich: he's building a series of super weapons for his HYDRA unit with which he plans to take over most of the world, including a giant flying wing bomber plane to attack New York City. In true comic book fashion, only the Captain and his buddies can take on Red Skull and stop his Nazi shenanigans once and for all.

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!

Superhero movies of late have mostly tried to emulate the grittier, more realistic tone of Batman Begins, which worked wonders for the latest X-Men movie and Iron Man, but also gave us the god awful emo Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3. Thankfully, Captain America has brought back a bit of camp into the mix. The Art Deco buildings, giant flying wings and propaganda posters everywhere add up to a cool '40s vibe that helps the sets and action stand out. Chris Evans nails his role, the Captain being a better fit for him than the Human Torch, and Hugo Weaving has a surprisingly good turn as the snarling, red-faced Nazi bastard. Hayley Atwell is a feast for the eyes of course, but the best role has got to be Tommy Lee Jones as the smartass, gruff Colonel who has most of the best lines and steals every scene he's in. The production value is great as you'd expect from the big Marvel blockbusters, with great CGI used to good effect in the final battle, but a lot of praise goes towards the use of gorgeous 40s sets that look convincing and add to the movie's charm. Yes, Captain America is all about cockpunching Nazis, but damn if it isn't a good looking movie.

An actual picture of Hugo Weaving without make up.

Captain America is an example getting a comic book movie right (*cough cough* Green Lanturd, I'm looking at you...). Joe Johnston has put plenty of pulpy, serial-inspired action on the screen, kept the cheese factor reasonably low, and has a good cast to fill the roles. It seems like making a good superhero movie should be a no-brainer, but I'm grateful that this one turned out as well as it did. Of course, they also did a nice job of getting the audience ready for next year's Avengers, with the obligatory and rather long post-credits teaser. I won't spoil it, but it's worth watching. Recommended.

Best scene: Every scene with Hayley Atwell in it. YUM.

Best line: (a POW asks Rogers if he knows what he's doing as they escape a Nazi camp) - "Yeah, I've knocked out Adolf Hitler over 200 times."



TL;DR - The Cap kicks Nazi ass & gets the babe in the best superhero movie of the summer - 8/10

THE ENEMY BELOW (1957) - Awesome naval war flick

 

The 50s was a great decade for war movies. With WWII still fresh in people's minds and the easy pickings for villains (everyone hates the Nazis), the studios churned out tons of war movies. A lot of them were crap, but thankfully there were some real gems in the mix. The Enemy Below is one of them. I'd say it is the best submarine movie ever made aside from 1981's Das Boot. The setting is the Atlantic Ocean as the Second World War rages on and Nazi Germany's dreaded U-boats are sinking American ships at an alarming rate. The fate of the war rests in the hands of the Allied sailors as they fight a brutal naval war against Hitler's deadly submarines.

Filmed aboard real subs and ships and with real bombs going off. Awesome.

The destroyer USS Haynes is alone in the vast Atlantic and on the prowl, looking for Hitler's submarines.  Aboard the Haynes, the bored sailors go about their daily tasks and complain about their lack of combat action. Everybody wants to get their chance to hunt some Nazis down. Rumors spread about the ship's new captain, since some of the men are worried that the skipper Captain Murrell (Robert Mitchum), an ex-reserve officer whose last ship was torpedoed, might not have what it takes to lead the ship. Suddenly, the sonar room detects an unknown contact. Fearing that it might be a German sub, Captain Murrell is brought to the bridge.

Robert Mitchum as the smart and determined skipper.

Below the water, a U-boat silently stalks the the destroyer. Commanding the sub is Kapitan von Stolberg (Curt Jürgens), an experienced and battle-hardened man with nerves of steel. Von Stolberg is a veteran of World War I, has lost both his sons to the war, has no love for Hitler or his cronies, and has become disillusioned with the war and the state of his beloved Germany. Nonetheless, he is totally committed to ensuring that his men come home safely and complete their grim mission. He is Captain Murrell's worst nightmare - a master at tactics, fearless, and an overall cool cat.

Sneaky Nazi bastards...

A tense, dangerous game of cat and mouse begins as the Americans try to pin-point the location of the U-boat, while the Germans do their best to avoid being blown to bits. The hours turn to days as the two captains out fox each other in their desperate attempts to gain the upper hand. The morale of both ships begins to suffer from the tension of the deadly game of hide and seek, as the U-boat tries to hide from the American sonar and dodges the endless depth charge barrages, and the American frustration grows as the Germans refuse to give in. Some of the best scenes in the movie don't need explosions to create excitement. They come from the thrill of the chase, as both crews plan and pull off their attacks and react to their enemy, knowing that a single mistake will likely end up killing them.

A likable German in a WWII movie? Say it ain't so!

Filmed in the good old days of practical effects and with the Navy's help, The Enemy Below boasts some impressive action scenes. As the Haynes bears down on the Germans, they rain down murderous depth charge attacks on the Nazi sub. These scenes are filmed with real depth bombs going off, while the underwater scenes are convincingly done with models that hold up pretty well even today. The acting from Mitchum and Jurgens is top notch. They're both great at portraying the reluctant but determined hero types, and aside from some sappy, emotional scenes at the end, they mostly eat up the screen.

This will not end well.

The Enemy Below is a damn good war movie, and despite the ending, which I found to be a bit too sentimental, it's got plenty of thrills and holds up well as an action movie even today. It set the standard for all the other naval combat movies that followed, and newer flicks like Crimson Tide, U-571 and Hunt for Red October all draw from it. Mitchum and Jurgens are in top form, the action scenes are realistic and it has a sense of realism that was untouchable until the definitive sub movie of all time Das Boot came out decades later. A true classic.

TL;DR - Riveting, epic battle between Nazis and Americans on the high seas - 9/10

TOMORROW, WHEN THE WAR BEGAN (2010) - Red Dawn: Aussie Style

I am not Australian (too bad, I know). But if I were, here's a few things I would be worried about: cane toads overrunning my house, radiation from Japan's nuclear reactors, the Wallabies getting embarrassed at the Rugby World Cup, or getting killed by snakes, spiders, bogans, Jacki Weaver, sharks, etc. One thing I'd most likely not lose any sleep over would be the unlikely prospect of my country being invaded by a million-man army from a bunch of Asian countries in the middle of the night. But hey, we Americans didn't worry about the Russians invading back in the 80s, and look what happened in Red Dawn. If it wasn't for our patriotic Wolverines and heroes like Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen, we'd all be speaking Russian, comrades.

Yeah, let's go camping in "Hell." Sounds safe and all...

Ellie Linton (Caitlin Stasey) is a regular teenager living in a small town in Australia. The summer is coming to an end and along with her best friend Corrie (Rachel Hurd-Wood), she plans a weekend camping trip to a remote spot called "Hell" way out in the bush. After begging her parents to let them borrow the family Land Rover, they get a group of their friends together for the trip. Local Greek guy and general bad boy Homer (Deniz Akdeniz) is on for the ride, as is Corrie's boyfriend Kevin (Lincoln Lewis), super religious Robyn (Ashleigh Cummings), Ellie's crush and badass Asian guy Lee (Chris Pang), and the rich, out of town girl Fiona (Phoebe Tonkin). They pack up and drive out far away from the town of Wirrawee, where they spend a chill weekend just hanging out.

No radio, no power, no phones, no YouTube cat videos. The shit's really hit the fan now.

In the middle of the night, Ellie and the others wake up to the sound of hundreds of jet planes flying over their campsite headed towards the city, which they shrug off as just some military exercise. When they make their way back into town, they find that all of their parents are gone, and all of the town folk are nowhere to be found. Some bastard has even shot Ellies dog. The phones are dead, power is out, and no one knows what the hell is going on. They wait till dark and sneak up to the local fairgrounds, where they realize Australia has been invaded by a huge army from some unnamed Asian countries, apparently out to get some of dem precious Australian resources.

Parents are annoying anyway. Maybe concentration camps aren't so bad after all.

All of their families have been rounded up and are imprisoned by the soldiers. While making their way out of the fairground, they get ambushed by soldiers, and they fight back, Ellie killing them by blowing up a lawnmower. Together, the teenagers realize they have to fight back against the invasion. Yeah, it sounds a lot like the plot of Red Dawn, but the story develops in some different ways, and the kids have to grow up quickly and plan out their attacks carefully. Along the way they'll find out more about the invasion and go through some more bitching action scenes (the truck chase with dune buggies was pretty legit).

Everything in Australia is dangerous. Even lawnmowers. Especially lawnmowers.

First, let's get the gripes and bad stuff out of the way. Some of the dialogue is cheesy. I mean, extremely cheesy. So are some of the scenes in the beginning, which don't make much sense, like coming back home to a deserted town with no power or phone lines working, only to open your MacBook Pro that's apparently still on standby. Or some of Lee's lines which feel kind of forced. Or the scene where Ellie and Fiona are waiting to blow up a huge fuel truck and decide it's a good time to start some girly talk while enemy soldiers sneak up behind them.

Goddamn Commies hating our freedoms.

The good stuff? Well, for a movie with a modest budget like this, the action sequences are pretty convincing and well-shot. There's none of that shitty Sci-Fi channel CGI with fake explosions and terrible slow motion. The action bits are fun to watch and pretty exciting. The cast is likable as well, which is always important when you're dealing with a nonsense plot like one of the most remote countries on Earth being invaded by a massive army and teenagers saving the day. There's a good amount of humor mixed into the movie, which I enjoyed a lot more than the attempts by the plot to create any sort of real drama. The Greek guy Homer is hilarious in most scenes, and the stoner dude near the end had me cracking up as well ("Woof! Woof! Dogs... how funny are they!") Homer and Ellie were the stand out characters for me, but to be fair everyone else held their own. Also, I might have a new crush on Caitlin Stasey. Maybe it's her dirt bike-riding, chainsaw-using, AK-47-shooting ways or maybe it's the accent, but I just have this unexplained longing now to move to Australia and find me a hot Aussie girl. She's fooooooiiiine.

You can liberate me anytime you want, Ellie.

It's too bad I've never read any of the books this movie is based on, so I can't comment on how faithful an adaptation it really is. In any case, it was an enjoyable flick - one of those silly but ultimately fun to watch movies.... like just about everything I watch and review on here. My main criteria for movie ratings is the fun factor. Did I enjoy the movie even if the story was shaky and I was intensely jealous of not having an old Land Rover like Ellie? Pretty much, yeah. I just wanted to vicariously defend Australia by blowing up some country-invading bastards. Since I'll never manage to get the Australian accent down without sounding like a retard, I guess this movie will have to do. If you can't be arsed to watch my favorite Aussie flick this year Animal Kingdom, or you want chicks, explosions, and laughs instead of bleak, family crime drama, watch this instead.

TL;DR - Australia does Red Dawn but with less Charlie Sheen and more hot girls with guns - 7.5/10

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN (1980) - Time travelan, World War II startan, etc

Back in that glorious decade of manly movie making that was the 1980s, it was pretty easy to make a movie about any idea that sounded epic enough in the head of studio execs. The Final Countdown is a perfect example of this. Some guy, as he was drinking his morning coffee, thought to himself: "wouldn't it be badass if an American aircraft carrier from today went back in time to blow up the Japanese in World War II?" And the answer was yes, it would be.. And on the sixth day, God made The Final Countdown.

Yes, that freakish alternate universe wormhole looks perfectly safe.

The movie starts off with civilian analyst Warren Lasky (Martin Sheen rocking a Conan O'Brien haircut) being invited aboard the Navy's biggest aircraft carrier, the USS Nimitz, stationed near Pearl Harbor. There, he meets the skipper of the ship, Captain Yelland (Kirk Douglas... a.k.a. Spartacus), who shows him around the nuclear powered boat. They make their way to sea, when all of a sudden a strange storm with bluish lightning and strobe lights going off like a massive ecstasy fueled rave interrupts their cruise. Naturally, the Nimitz is sucked into this wormhole thing, only to find itself back in completely normal weather.

HEY JAPAN! WE TOP GUN NOW.

Confused and wondering just what the hell happened, the Captain launches a few fighter planes to check out the area, and sends another jet to scope out Pearl Harbor, thinking that World War III might have just started. While the crew wonders if the Russians just nuked Washington D.C., the fighters on patrol run into some WW2 Japanese planes. To make matters worse, the plane sent to Pearl Harbor sends back pictures of all the famous battleships from WW2 all lined up like the day when Pearl was attacked by Japan in 1941. The Captain, his officers and Lasky argue with themselves until they finally realize that the storm must have been a time portal that sent them back to the day before the Pearl Harbor sneak attack: December 6, 1941.

Note to time travelers: don't pick up kamikaze hitchhikers.

Along the way, the time-traveling Americans rescue some survivors from a yacht attacked by the evil Japanese fleet on its way to attack Pearl. One of the survivors is a hot secretary. So far, so good. The other survivor is a US Senator who was supposed to die before their attack, and now his survival is a threat to the space time continuum with potentially disastrous consequences. That one, not so good. Now, the Americans have a tough choice to make: should they use modern day technology like jet fighters and missiles to wipe out the Japanese fleet and prevent the war, or should they let history run its course? Some of the officers will argue both sides, even though no one seems to know what kind of shit they've gotten themselves into.

"What year are we in, Captain? "I dunno, LOL."

The Final Countdown is basically a popcorn movie with a B-movie plot and some decent actors. Some of the best scenes are actually of the planes in action, shooting down Japanese propeller planes and scaring the hell out of the 1940s people. It's decent sci fi and works well at presenting an alternate universe in which history might be affected by what decisions are made. It can get a bit too talkative at times, but it's running length is just right for the story. It's fun entertainment, and a reminder that not every movie has to be Oscar bait and ultra serious. It's the 80s action/sci fi mix. Just let it embrace you.

TL;DR - Americans go back in time and wonder if they should kick Japan's ass and prevent WW2 - 6.5/10

9TH COMPANY (2005) - the Commies are good in this one

Back in the 1980s, the Soviet Union were the biggest guys on the block and though they'd prove to world how tough and hairy chested they really were. In this moment of bravado, the Soviets decided to invade Afghanistan. Having the world's biggest and most powerful military at the time gave them a big set of brass balls they weren't afraid to swing around. Unfortunately, they picked the worst f*cking place on this shiny planet Earth to invade. The Afghans take great pleasure in kicking ass: they had done it to the Mongol hordes, they did it to those snooty British, and they sure as hell weren't gonna let Ivan get some. Long story short, Afghanistan turned out to be a nightmare for the Soviet bear, turning into their version of Vietnam. Except with Osama bin Laden. And deserts. And mountains. Mountains everywhere.

If I were a man of the gambling sort, I'd wager half these guys will eat it by the end of the movie.

9th Company is one of the best known Russian movies of recent times, and with good reason, since it was a major blockbuster over in the land of bears, vodka and oversized Moon rockets. Even President Putin liked it. When Putin likes it, you know that shit's gonna be successful. Director Fyodor Bondarchuk's movie tells a pretty familiar story of some raw army recruits being trained into soldiers and sent off to fight the bearded Afghans. As with almost every war movie you've probably seen to date, the group of recruits has its varied characters: the street-wise rough kid, the stuck up rich guy, the horny bastard, the wimp who pees his pants, and the philosophical artist guy who makes deep comments about the nature of war. Yawn. It's all been done before, and in better fashion.

These guys have aimbots.

As generic as the story is, it works well enough to keep the plot moving along. The recruits are sent to paratrooper school, where they get assigned to a hard as nails Lieutenant Dygalo (Mikhail Porechenkov), who is a veteran of the war and sports a gnarly scar on his face to prove it. Dygalo takes special pleasure in working  his recruits extra hard and they soon start to crack under the pressure. Of course, it's revealed that Dygalo actually was the lone survivor of a terrorist ambush, so he makes sure his platoon is ready for the brutal war ahead of them. After their training is complete, they are sent to Afghanistan and soon get their first taste of shit blowing up in front of them at a rapid pace.

Protip: when at war, wear a helmet.

They realize the Afghans are not to be messed with, since they're pretty good fighters and use caves and ambushes to hide and kill Russians. The protagonists' company is sent to guard some god forsaken hill with a new hard ass commander. Soon enough, the small group of Russians is abandoned and forced to defend their outpost against some hundreds of angry, rocket launcher packing Afghans, setting up the story for the grand finale in the last  hour or so.

9th Company is a good war movie with a few basic flaws. The acting is a bit over the top, which is to be expected in most war movies, but this movie really does have a gung-ho feeling throughout most of it. The story also muddles along until the guys arrive in Afghanistan, dealing with the characters' backgrounds, their encounter with a hot Russian blonde (plenty of gratuitous nudity involved) and their training. Once in the war itself, the pacing picks up and the action pieces are well done. The final battle especially is the highlight of the movie, with the fight lasting a few days and being bonkers in regards to the amount of ass kicking the Russians hand out to the Afghans. It's a decent flick about a war that most people haven't seen much about. Recommended.

TL;DR - Russians go on the set of Rambo 3 and kill Rambo's friends in some brutal mountain fighting - 7.5/10