Saturday, February 5, 2011

FASTER (2010) - The Rock is angry. Very angry.

When I was in middle school, wrestling was just about the coolest thing in existence. If you had cool parents, you got to watch it on TV, and all my friends played the WCW or WWF games on Playstation and N64. And The Rock was by far the most popular wrestler at my school. One would've never thought for a minute that the guy could become a successful actor, seeing as how the range of his acting skills seemed to be limited to doing the People's Eyebrow. But he proved us doubters all wrong. The dude has made millions of dollars by starring in mostly shitty action movies like The Rundown and the god awful Doom. Then he inexplicably started doing Disney movies, with 6 year olds as co-stars. I figured that all those chokeslams and kicks to the head  finally made him lose his marbles. It's a good thing though, to see that he finally realized that he was put on this earth to entertain us by punching people's face in and speaking as little as possible when on screen. Faster focuses on these two points, and the result is a surprisingly decent action flick.

I don't know what's scarier. The .454 Ruger, or the shape of The Rock's head.
 Our protagonist is known simply as "Driver." We learn from a series of flashbacks that the Driver has been serving a long stretch in jail after a botched bank robbery, which left his brother dead and most of his crew scattered. All this time in jail, he's been planning his revenge and simmering in rage, knowing that the bastards that double crossed him and killed his brother are all living free and enjoying life. Back to the present, and we see the Driver has been released from prison, and like you'd expect, saying he's angry would be an understatement. He's fucking pissed. Our boy makes his way out of jail, and jogs over to a junkyard where he finds a nice gift package from a friend waiting for him. A bitchin' Chevelle coupe with an enormous revolver in the glove compartment and a list of names: the people that betrayed him and killed his brother.

Carla, you can scowl at me anytime you want.
The Driver drives to his first target, a guy working as a telemarketer. He strolls right up to him and shoots him in the head once, in plain view of all the guy's co-workers and leaving a nice security camera image for the police. The cops respond, and an unnamed veteran detective (Billy Bob Thornton, the movie calls him "Cop") is assigned to the murder investigation alongside another detective named Cicero (Carla Gugino, looking hot as usual), who resents having the drug-addicted Cop on her case. Together they begin to try and put the puzzle together of the Driver's seemingly random killings. At the same time, we're introduced to the Killer (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) - an egotistical, image-obsessed assassin who drives Ferraris, boasts an English accent and has a smoking hot girlfriend. The Killer has been hired by one of the Driver's potential victims. The ex-con, the hitman and the cops are eventually put on a collision course that will result in plenty of violence, mayhem and general destruction.

The real co-star in the movie.
The Rock (or Dwayne, whatever) was born to play roles like this. His range is pretty limited, but you don't need serious acting chops when the role requires you to aim a hand cannon at people and look angry 99% of the time. His performance is good, since he does little talking and lets the fists and revolver do the talking. It works well. It's a revenge action movie, not To Kill a Mockingbird. Billy Bob does a decent job as well as the drunk, shady cop and Gugino fills her scenes nicely. The real letdown is the assassin. He is the worst thought out character in movies this year. Absolutely stupid in just about everything he says and does; every scene the movie spends on this supposed killer is a waste of film. Faster would've been a leaner, better movie without the guy. It's too bad.

Worst. Movie. Assassin. EVER.
Faster is a no-frills revenge flick that is good for a watch and then becomes quickly forgettable. The Rock does a good job of kicking ass and the story is just adequate enough to keep the film moving along, but don't expect to be talking about it a few years down the road with some friends. It is a good step up for Dwayne's career though., since these are the kinds of movies he should be focusing on, not crap about tooth fairies and Witch Mountains. He's finally found his balls back.

TL;DR - The Rock is back to hurt people. Good for him, and for us. - 6/10


  1. The shape of The Rock's head haunts me in my nightmares.

  2. I never liked the rock as an actor. Maybe I'll check this movie out. I think the rock was at his best when he was in WWF :D

  3. I love the rock, I'll even forgive his bad acting due to the awesomeness of the people's elbow.

  4. i just want to say your banner is the best damn one
    -Christopher James Chaos

  5. Please review:

    jk hahah

  6. I always thought he was kinda funny, he should stick to comedies like Get Shorty

  7. The Rock is a HO - maybe he'll finally come through. I did like his character in "The other guys" though

  8. I liked it, deffo worth seeing, walk in see guy shoot guy in face

  9. btw make a review on ALIENS plsss <3

  10. the rock seems to have decreased his mass ever since getting into strictly acting..

  11. I'm watching this movie, paused it jus to look up why the hell this assassin is existing pssh waste